I fired down a few lines this morning on the train, and I thought I'd put the first rough draft up here. I'll work on it and then show you the finished copy. Just remember - it's rough, unpolished and only slightly edited!
'The woman's response was lost as the theatre erupted in a roar of laughter.
"Seriously though" continued Sarah "that's a question I get asked a lot these days and I kind of wonder - do I look like I don't have a girlfriend?"
She looked down at the blonde in front of her and winked,
"Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus."
A voice from the back row shouted "I love you".
"Sure you do," replied Sarah. "Yes, I have a" she pauses, pursing her lips at the crowd and savouring their anticipation "partner, a lover, a friend. Or as Ellen would put it, 'a room-mate'."
She moved back a step or two from the front of the stage waiting for the cheering and applause to settle.
"Actually we're quite a new coupling. I was in a long term relationship, but we broke up. The old sex drive thing, I had one..." she let the words hang seductively in the air. "Anyway, my new friend."
She caught the eye of an attractive blonde in the front row who was holding the hand of the guy next to her.
"Hi honey" she said smiling "you straight?"
The blonde blushed and nodded.
"Not for long" replied Sarah.
The crowd catcalled and whistled. Sarah luxuriated in the knowledge that she had this crowd exactly where she wanted them. As she scanned the sea of faces, she wondered if Brodie was out there, watching her.
"So," she shouted bringing the audience back to heel "my partner, she's goooood. You know what I'm saying. We met online, as you do these days, and that's why I'm here in New York. So you have a sleazy online chat room to thank for this performance!"
"Show-off".
The word was spoken quietly, but Sarah had no difficulty hearing it. She turned to see Brodie standing behind the stage curtain, smiling broadly.
"Hi babe" she mouthed in reply. She smiled and turned her attention back to the audience.
"Yeah, we met online and my big sister, well you know what big sisters are like, in there with both feet and brain totally disengaged. She read me the riot act read at full volume. The whole act mind, not just the edited highlights. So I conceded, it was either that or die. So I agreed that maybe she was right and that you never know who these weirdos online really are. But I really wanted to meet this woman so what was I to do? Big sis had a solution, 'easy' she said 'I'll go'."
Sarah paused.
"We had a pillow fight to sort it out and well, you've seen me pillow fight.." she shrugged and gave the audience her best impersonation of childlike innocence. "So a week later, when the bruises had healed, there we are in this restaurant. The maitre de shows us to the table; the weirdo gets up and says 'hi'; my sis says 'hi' in return and the weirdo smiles. That was it for me, straight in there before big sis forgets that this is my weirdo not hers. Trouble was I was too late. That smile was her undoing, so it was dinner for 3 and the gooseberry hung around the whole night. Eventually we went back to the hotel room, just me and my sis, and we argue about who the dish likes best. We have a pillow fight to settle the argument" she laughs "I won. Thank you New York for listening, you've been a fabulous audience!! Goodnight!!"
With a final flourish of arms and hair, Sarah bounded off the stage, running straight into Brodie's arms.
"Hi gorgeous, I knew you'd be here, now take me back to bed and hump me senseless!"
"Your audience wants more" replied Brodie.
Sarah answered with a long lingering kiss. Reluctantly she returned to the stage. She picked the mike back up off the stand and stared at the audience.
"You know I could have been half undressed and on my way to orgasmic heaven, but instead you get me back here to do a ruddy encore. There's gratitude for you."
Brodie smiled. This was going to be good.'
Copyright: JJ Craiglee, 2009
