Creativity isn't something that you can push and sometimes when you write, you have to figure out what the heck it is/was/might be. I started by amending the typos - brian instead of brain and girfiend, you get the idea.
I'm trying to eliminate "so" from my writing - every writer has a couple of bad habits, "so" and "anyway" are mine. So, (it's a staged process) having thought through the questions I usually ask, I have the following:
- Sarah is a character I already know. She's a jobbing actress, doing pretty well although not "big-time". I had been thinking a few weeks ago about how I might extend her, and it looks like Sarah decided comedy needed a try out. Verdict: I'm not sure it works. Sarah is also attached - to Mac. Something this line ignores. She's tall, feminine, sassy; pretends to be dumb when in fact she's pretty smart. She's an American, born in Seattle - or New York; I hadn't really made my mind up on that one.
- Brodie appeared in my head not that long ago. She's very smart - an academic and civil rights expert. She's married but her wife is back home in the UK - Brodie is on a 6 month secondment to Washington advising on civil rights legislation. When I hear Brodie in my head, she has a soft Irish brogue.
- Brodie and Sarah, as a combination is actually a pretty good one. Sarah has had a number of smart ass dates, but no-one who really captures her attention intellectually. Mac has been around a while and it's undemanding but comfortable. Sarah is fiercely independent and doesn't like to be "looked after". Brodie has strength and depth; she likes women who stand on their own two feet, like to be appreciated, but don't 'cling'. On reflection, they could be made for each other. (There are times as a writer you begin to realise that you're simply a character dating agency...)
- What is this story's main line? It puts Sarah in a new field for me. Perhaps she has a new role as a comedian in a movie/show and is doing the research so to speak. The big question is how she and Brodie got there, and although we're told that they met online; it doesn't explain why they were online to start with. Why would two people already in relationships look for something new? Sarah tells us why in the piece - the sex drive mismatch. But Brodie is more a guest appearance. Maybe this isn't something serious for Brodie - partner 5,000 miles away; knowledge that in a few months time she will be returning to the UK. Only that doesn't sit with my view of the character. I see her as more thoughtful, gentle, caring. Not as someone who would easily have an affair - but as all writers know, sometimes the characters have different ideas!
- The story line, the comedy show, has possibilities. We learn a lot about Sarah and there's a couple of good lines in there that I like. It needs some polish. The point from "Yeah we met online" onwards is kind of rushed; but in a sense that conveys Sarah's urgency to finish the set and get to Brodie. There's no real punchline to the story she's telling though, it needs a better ending. The audience, so obvious before Brodie enters, disappear in this section too - but again that highlights Sarah's attention being drawn towards Brodie.
- I don't think Sarah would say 'ruddy' , 'f%#king' definitely, 'ruddy', nope!!
- I still haven't figured out why they would have met in NY - except my subconscious probably felt a comedy bar in NY was more likely that DC.
- I don't think Sarah would date someone she knew was married, so either Brodie is lying to her; or this Brodie is unattached.
- The NY part is really puzzling me. It's the only place in the US I've ever been to, so maybe it's my comfort zone. But it doesn't make sense for Brodie and Sarah to meet there rather than, say LA. In fact it makes more sense for Brodie to go to LA and meet Sarah - Brodie's the one with the well paid job; Sarah is a jobbing actress. Decision 1 - we need a scene shift.
- Actually, I've also made decision 2. This is Brodie, but not Washington Brodie. This is LA Brodie - I just need to figure out how she got there - we have a green card to justify....
- Decision 3 - I need to talk to a writer who is good at comedy routines; someone who can tell me where I'm going wrong -Why it makes me smile but not laugh.
I have a lot to do, see you back here for draft 2.
