The rain is pouring down outside. It's warm and muggy. Oh, yeah, and wet.
So, with a few minutes left before I brave the great outdoors, I thought I'd revisit my blog. I can see that it's been neglected over the last couple of months. Not that I haven't thought about it. It's just I've been pulled in too many directions.
Like my friend, who has finally bitten the bullet and broken up with her partner - a term I use loosely. Whilst the words are out there, they have a lot of untangling to do. Eighteen years is a long time to be together and as a consequence there's a lot of belongings that belong to both. I'm not sure how you begin to unravel all of that. It got me to thinking though how often people find themselves in relationships they should have gotten out of before they even started.
My friend, let's call her Alice, got into this relationship because it's what was on offer. The only two women she's ever truly loved were unavailable (still are); and she settled for someone she didn't really love, but who made her laugh. Don't get me wrong, laughing is good, but it's not enough. Alice thought that she had to settle for whatever was left because the 2 people she really wanted to be with, didn't want to be with her. Personally, I think that's crap.
Maybe it's a rare thing, to be with the one you really want and for them to be with you, the one they really want. But if only one of you really wants to be there, and the other is settling for less than what they really wanted, how's that gonna work?
Relationships aren't easy at the best of times - oh sure, the first couple of years when lust is high and it's all fun and new, then it's easy. But when the first flush is over, what then? I think John Cleese has a point when he says that marriage licences should be renewable after the first three years. That's the minimum I think it takes for two people to truly get to know each other. Most relationships that breakdown do so around the three- four year mark. Round about the time when you get into the negotiation phase. The time when you realise that the compromise you made to start with in the full throwes of lustful desire, will be with you for the rest of your time together. That's when you have to ask if this is the relationship you want for the rest of your life. Is this the relationship you want to be in 30 years from now. If she gets sick, terminally sick, can you be there for her? What if she loses her memory. Needs you to feed her. Can you do that. For as long as she, or you, is alive.
Do you want to live here because you're both happy here - or just her? Or for that matter, just you?
My wife's waiting downstairs for me, so I guess I need to wrap up. Where do I want to be in 30 years? Still living, still enjoying life!
